Wednesday, 21 March 20075 o'clock in the morning, I woke up by the "beeping" sound of a text message. I could use my knees to figure out where it was sent from. Brent is the only one I know who would harass me at this time. I'm used to it. I almost just dreamed about the text message before I received it.
He said, "sorry I missed your event on Sunday. I would have liked to have been there."
Finally he said sorry. But it wasn't enough to cover the truth of him being a real jerk! Without replying the message, I carried on sleeping. But my mind was far too busy to fall in sleep again.
I didn't expect him to be there at my Sunday screening. We had the cold war over a month now. He always had been selfish that he never committed to be there for me when I needed him. But I still picked up my best little green dress just for in case. Of course he didn't show up. During the 4 hours of waiting, there was nothing except a freezing rain. Of course i was gutted. Once again I made up my mind to dump him.
Unfortunately I have a weak mind. Today I missed him again. I hate myself for that!
My body is loaded with desire. I couldn't hold back those erotic scenes in my mind of me being with him in bed. It felt so great. But it's wrong!
Maggie said to me many times, "Don't ever think about casual sex with someone you want to have relationship with! You gotta hurt yourself." Perfectly true. So, I left the text message alone and threw the idea of sex with Brent into the bin.
The cold war goes on. I have no idea if we gonna meet again. Love and sex just seem so hard to balance.
